Wrestling with the Wolf

When I was a teenager I heard a phrase used in one of my favorite TV shows. The phrase was “the Hour of the Wolf.”

The character, a stoic female lead brooding over the disappearance and possible death of two comrades, described it as:

"Have you ever heard of the hour of the wolf? ... It's the time between 3:00 and 4:00 in the morning. You can't sleep, and all you can see is the troubles and the problems and the ways that your life should've gone but didn't. All you can hear is the sound of your own heart."
– Susan Ivanova, Babylon 5 (Season 4, Episode 1)

According to an entirely un-cited entry on Wikipedia:

The hour of the wolf is the hour between night and dawn during which the wolf is said to lurk outside people's doors. In Swedish and Finnish folk religion it is the hour when most people die and are born.

I didn’t quite understand it. My teenage self had never had nights like that. Certainly, I had sleepless nights due to a nightmare or anxiety. Insomnia? Sure. But never feeling the weight of life as she seemed to describe.

I adopted the term though; I used it in fiction and in common parlance with people.

Since my teens, I’ve had a few nights like this. Now and then, around 2:00am my brain wakes me up. Sometimes it’s a growing anxiety that lulls me from sleep, sometimes it’s my body needing to use the bathroom but then sleep doesn’t return.

Last night I had one of these. I was awake around 1:30 or 2, running thoughts and images over and over through my head. My body refused to yield to sleep. I paced. I drank. I did whatever I thought might bring sleep, but my brain insisted on obsessing.

Eventually sleep came again. Maybe it was 3 or 4. Sleep came.

The morning after these nights I’m not so much tired as numb. No emotions, not really melancholy, just sober. I move through my day with limited emotional responses despite being perfectly aware of my surroundings and what I’m doing. I’m not in a daze or anything, I’m just not myself.

Everything takes three times the energy to do during these days. I’ve gotten stuff done, maybe more so than when I’m bubbling and joking—but I’m exhausted and drained.

I hope the wolf doesn’t visit me tonight.

Wicked Tonight

Looking forward to it. :-)




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Where are the good cartoons?!

I'm home sick today. *cough cough sad 'pity me' puppy eyes*

So I'm lounging in bed, unshaven, and unbathed. In a beat up pair of sweats, old Donnie Darko T-shirt, faded bath robe and socks that couldn't be holier if the pope himself wore them. I've got my cold meds, my OJ (well, Mango Peach V8 Splash) and a bowl of Fruit Loops- you know what's missing? Cartoons. Good cartoons.

I'm flipping channels and you know what? These shows blow. Where's the bloody adventure?! Don't market a card game to me, give me entertainment! Give me pathos! Give me something to spur my imagination!

Remember Disney's Gummie Bears? Sure, there were some sugary moments meant to teach lessons, but there was character growth and pathos: When Cubby gave up on his dreams to something that was important to Grammy. When the rest of them decided it was better to sacrifice themselves / be lonely forever than endanger the rest of the species in far flung places. Sure there was some made-for-kid moments, but there was something deeper there.

Remember Gargoyles?! Man that show flipping rocked. Sure I was in middle-school by the time that show hit the air-waves but the sheer artistry of that cartoon, the darkness, the emotion, the seamless blending of mythology, literature, and an all star cast of voices? Damn skippy that was good.

Ok, so both of these shows have a certain theme in common. A mythical/fantasy species on the brink of genocide normally due to human interaction, not forced to live in shadows still trying to fight for the values and traditions they believe in. That's pretty intense. I don't care if you're 5 or 50, that is a timeless theme, and when mixed with excellent story lines that is some pretty killer entertainment.

Looking for a little environmentalism meets adventure? No no no, not Captain Planet. How about Pirates of Dark Water!?

Let's see what we have now...

Flapjack

...WTF? This is what my nephew was watching today.

Ok ok ok, Avatar The Last Airbender is pretty darn good. But Still! I want my good cartoons. :-(

/whine

Ok. Speaking of Avatar, I just saw the preview for the movie... looks pretty friggin sweat!

The Role of the Academy

Academia is in a state of identity flux. The institution itself seems to be challenged at all levels to keep up with the pace of globalization. I feel that the same external forces the academy is meant to question and monitor are those aiding in its progressive identity crisis. I fear that most public institutions are falling pray to ideological winds that boil the duties of the university to economic and financial concerns alone.

Many might argue: "What is the university for if not for preparing our students to enter the 'global' work force and become productive members of society? Isn't that why people go to get degrees? To improve their chances in the job market?"

By asking that question alone, you have already adopted the paradigm of the corporation and not the academy. The purpose of knowledge in this view is distilled using the language of economists, whose soul purpose is the study of finance and the impact it has. If you believe without question that the acquisition of wealth is a panacea for the world's ills, that it is an automatic guarantee of happiness and well-being, then the logic of the above statement makes perfect sense.

Indeed, in university administrative offices around the world, I am sure the discourse of education has taken on more commonalities with corporate boardrooms than faculty meetings. Concerns over the bottom-line, over alumnae donations, over limitations in tuition prices is an understandable concern: you can't run an institution on idealism alone. However, I feel like treating education as a commercial product cheapens what it is.

I would counter the argument that education is purely for financial gain by saying that it is about understanding, self-betterment, self-actualization and not just about getting a high paying job after your graduate.

I would say that the role of the academy is to:

• Facilitate the acquisition of knowledge in a holistic sense, as independent as possible from bias
• Help students develop critical thinking skills to analyze the world around us
• Aid in providing meaning and a context to what we know, learn, experience, perceive
• Promote a sense of social cohesion within society by examining ethics, science, governance, and law through the lens of recorded human experience
• Discover advancements that benefit the world (humanity and the environment)
• Preserve our collective understanding as a species and continue the evolution of the discourse of what we know and how we understand it
• Call into question and understand the actions and motives of agents in society (government, religion, media, corporation, social movements, academia, etc.)

These I believe are the duties of the academy. We as humans have a natural tendency to question and seek to understand the world around us. From grand ivy-covered palaces of knowledge to tribal elders telling stories, Stainless steel labs to artist studios: It is for this purpose that the academy exists as a fundamental institution of society, regardless the form it takes.

While I agree, that the increased intensity, extensity, velocity and impact of global interconnectedness(1) has agitated government concerns of global competitiveness (both of national economies and individuals) we loose our objectivity as academics when we get drawn into the the world according to the World Bank and the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) instead of questioning it. It is not for these agents to frame the nature of our existence, but for us to question theirs.

I close this entry of my blog by offering a quote to those that look at students and see a labor market instead of world citizens. It comes from the report of the International Commission on Education for the Twenty-First Century to UNESCO, Learning: The Treasure Within.

"There is every reason to renew emphasis on the moral and cultural dimensions of education, enabling each person to grasp the individuality of other people and to understand the world’s erratic progression towards a certain unity; but this process must begin with self-understanding through an inner voyage whose milestones are knowledge, meditation and the practice of self-criticism."

1. My favored definition of Globalization - Held and McGrew: http://www.polity.co.uk/global/globalization-oxford.asp

Damn you FOX!

So much for my boycott of FOX broadcasting for being douhebags. Rupert Murdoch is an utter tool for what he's doing and I don't like it... But... But...

Damn you FOX! Damn you and your irrisitably entertaining programming!! Sigh... I bought it. I'll most likely buy the season 1 DVD when it comes out all together.

Reverberated Voices

Tonight I had the absolute pleasure of watching a friend of mine (Jared O'Roark: www.jaredoroark.blogspot.com.) perform his one-man show. I can honestly say I was blown away. I’ve had the pleasure to hear much of his poetry, to see him perform monologues and snippets of characters at parties and gathers, even been privileged to hear him reading of half finished works while his creative energies were still being channeled, but what I saw tonight was just incredible.

8 distinct characters with lives and stories that seemed to intermingle on stage into a sort of proto-person, encompassing aspects we all have inside of us. Yet as the play closed and he paid homage to each character it felt like I was saying goodbye to friends I’d known all my life. I will admit that on more than one occasion I misted up- which a) for me to do and b) for me to freely admit should speak volumes of what was performed on stage.

From the snotty prep school girl to the old WWII vet finally getting his tribute it was impossible for me not to see myself in everyone of them and feel intimately connected with them. I think my favorite was a five year old boy with an understanding and idea of God and creation that is moving beyond words. I felt inspired.

I would go into more details but I’m tired and my fingers are clumsy. Frankly any attempt to really describe what it was in this format would really sell it short. What I can do is hope and encourage him to perform it again someday. It really was something to see.

Getting all organized

My class last night was too cool. It’s called Globalization in Higher Education and centers around the impact of globalization on higher ed and what changes may occur in the future; fascinating stuff!

While I’m the only non-PhD candidate in the class I feel like I actually have something to contribute just from applied experience working in the Education Abroad Office. Half-way through the class we introduced ourselves and we had to list our international experience among other things—while I may not the intense research and pedagogical theory that the others have, I realized I’ve spent the last 8 years become a subject area specialist just through practice. I think this is going to be an excellent course. Since I’m only taking one, I think I can keep focused and organized despite all the other stuff I have going on at work.

Organization is going to be key in the next few months. In addition to loads of reading and research I’m going to have to do for this course, I’ve picked up some of the more time consuming elements of a vacated position in our office. I was originally entertaining the idea of taking this other position (which would have been a sizable a pay raise – haven’t had one of those in about 3 years) but it really removes me from student interaction and tosses me deeper into the land of red-tape. While I’m sure I’d love working more closely with our Dean’s office, I’m going to stick to study abroad. Still, until the position is hired, I’m taking care of the Florida France Linkage AND all international agreements between USF and the rest of the world. Time consuming is really just a nice way of saying it, I think I spent nearly all of yesterday back and forth with one of the regional campuses and General Counsel, but honestly I know that these agreements are going to make a difference in the lives of at least 7 students, so it’s worth it. :-)

I’m helping organize some content for Dr. Mark Orr’s memorial service on the 2/1. He had such and amazing life, I think I’ll speak more about that close to 2/1.

I’m also helping organize our students to impress a visiting international delegation from INTO, which is some huge consortium of universities.

Oh! I also applied to teach in the fall. If I get accepted, I’ll go more into what that entails.

I'm also merging my internet presence. Next step, my twitter account now has the same name as this blog. You can follow me by clicking on the right of the screen OR search for @daidaloslost

Ok, lunch is wrapping up! So back to work I go.